Peacemaker
by psychoman222
Summary: SotOR-verse. Cloud was on the cusp of becoming a SOLDIER, when a single mistake took his dream from him. But that mistake drew certain... attention to him. And who is to say that being a SOLDIER is the only way to be a hero?
1. Chapter 1

**Peacemaker**

_Chapter 1_

_End of a Dream_

Cloud awoke to being hit in the head with a pillow.

This was a common occurrence.

"What is it, Alexei?" He moaned, not yet wanting to open his eyes.

Alexei Mosin. A Modeoheim native who was very sociable. He also loved throwing things.

One of three people Cloud shared a room with. And, like everyone else who bunked here, including Cloud, a SOLDIER aspirant. Well, actually a SOLDIER. They passed training yesterday. In two days they would begin to to get their enhancements.

"Tomorrow is our graduation ceremony."

"That's tomorrow. why are you getting me up _now?_"

"_Because, _comrade, _today_ our... personal restrictions are lifted. We can go out into town, what was contraband before _may_ not be now, and… you can go get your stuff out of lockup."

_That_ got Cloud's attention. In order to train discipline, SOLDIER aspirants were allowed very few personal effects, and were not permitted to leave the grounds unsupervised.

And in Cloud's case, the confiscation of personal effects made sense to him.

And the personal effects that _he _ brought with him were _very_ valuable.

"What's in there that's got you so excited, anyway?" Alexei inquired.

"Come with me to the quartermaster, and I'll show you."

"Okay, since you got me all curious." Alexei said with a grin.

When they arrived, the quartermaster took one glance at Cloud, and began rummaging through the inventory.

"Let me guess, Strife to pick up his 'personal effects'. Boy, If _that_ is what you call personal effects, I'd hate to see what you use for work." The quartermaster gruffly stated as he looked for said items.

Cloud shot him a grin. "The Company doesn't like us using stuff we brought from home."

"Okay, seriously, what the _hell_ did you bring with you?"

"Wait and see, Alexei."

The Quartermaster finally found what he was looking for, and handed a case to Cloud, who opened it to show Alexei the contents.

A Sniper CR rifle, and a Gold Armlet, both filled with Materia.

"A Gold Armlet!? How much cash do you _have_? That's something the Firsts would use!"

"I didn't pay for it. You see, Nibel Dragons really like shiny things. I didn't think it should go to waste just sitting in one of their hoards. Of course, the dragons disagreed, so I got out of dodge the second I was able, but not before I got a cool new spell for my Enemy Skill Materia." Cloud explained, tapping a golden Materia mounted in the Rifle.

"I remember going up to my mom, feeling so proud that I managed to nick something from a dragon. She was… not as enthusiastic. She threatened to ground me for a year… and then she found out about the burns. She was _not_ a happy woman that day."

"I'll bet. I mean, _damn_. I heard rumors about you, but nothing _that_ crazy."

"What kind of rumors?"

"Nothing bad. Just… fantastic. Like the rumor that you _walked_ all the way from Nibelheim to Costa del Sol, boarded a ship to Junon, then _walked_ from there to Midgar. And made the entire trip _alone_."

Cloud raised an eyebrow in confusion.

"How _else_ was I supposed to get here?"

Alexei looked at Cloud in shock.

"Wh...what about the _monsters?!"_

"That's what I brought the rifle, Materia, and armlet for."

"Comrade, if you had told the brass _that_ story, they wouldn't have bothered with the training program before accepting you."

"I doubt that."

Alexei was about to retort when his PHS rung.

"Hold on, Cloud."

He flipped the PHS open.

"Mosin here. Oh, hey Sig."

Siegfried Koch. Comes from Kalm. His family has a long military history, and it shows. He's usually the one who prevents things from getting out of hand when the officers aren't watching.

"Do you need Cloud and I to swing by?" Alexei asked. "Alright, we're on our way."

Alexei hung up.

"Sig needs us to head to the Sector Two slums. Apparently Theo is causing some trouble."

Theodore Browning. Midgar resident and 'slum rat'. Apparently used to run with some... unsavory types. If there's a vice to be found, Theo knows where it is.

"What do you mean by 'trouble'?"

"Trouble as in 'Publicly drunk and taunting the locals.' Apparently he wasted no time in taking advantage of our new freedoms."

"It's seven in the morning, how is he drunk?"

"Apparently, the bars in the slums follow the 'it's five o'clock somewhere' philosophy… as does Theo."

"And he's fifteen."

"They don't care. They only care that he has Gil."

Cloud sighed.

"Alright, let's mosey." Cloud said, equipping his gear.

"...Mosey?"

"Don't make me hurt you, Alexei."

Within fifteen minutes, they had met up with Siegfried and Theodore. Siegfried was restraining Theodore, while Theodore was yelling at a group of six people.

"You think I'm a sellout?! Maybe, but I'm gonna be a SOLDIER! A somebody! And unlike _you_, I won't be living in this shithole for the rest of my life!"

Alexei sighed.

"Cover me, Cloud. I'm going in."

It was the best option. If any one of the four could defuse the situation, it would be the friendly Alexei. Also, Cloud could fire a warning shot if _that_ proved insufficient.

Cloud nodded, and climbed onto a nearby building, and cocked the lever of the Sniper CR.

"Sorry about him, Comrades. he's just feeling a little excited about his new promotion. I am certain he will regret his words once he sobers up." Alexei says with his most charming smile.

"The hell I will! I'm the only one who will give it to them straight! They're NOTHING! Never will be! That's how it is!"

Those words would ordinarily be brushed off.

However, Theodore was wearing a Shinra uniform.

Hearing the words that they long believed the Megacorporation thought of them, confirmed by someone who used to be one of them, caused things to boil over.

One of the people Theodore was heckling pulled a knife.

Cloud noticed.

In less than a second, Cloud had focused his aim on the man.

In less than a second, he had adjusted for wind and the fall of the bullet.

In less than a second, the Deathblow Materia in his rifle activated as he pulled the trigger.

In less than a second, a bullet passed through the Pterion joint of the man's skull.

In less than a second, the man was dead.

In less than a second, Cloud's dreams were dead.

Contrary to popular belief, how you kill a man _does_ matter.

If you blindfire, and all of a sudden the return fire stops, that is easier to deal with.

If the person you kill is concealing their face, that also makes it easier.

If there is _some _possibility someone _else_ delivered the killing blow, that makes it easier, and is the reason executions by gunshot are done by an entire squad.

Looking a man straight in the face, and watching him drop immediately after you pull the trigger is an entirely different matter.

Cloud was petrified by what had just happened.

And still was when the MPs hauled him away in handcuffs.

* * *

AN: No, I have not abandoned SotOR. In fact, All I need to do is crank out the boss battle, and it will be ready to post.

PSYCHOMAN'S ENCYCLOPEDIA AKA THE ENPSYCHOPEDIA

OCs: Will be minor characters, but I included them because no military, even a private one, would let its grunts/cadets have private rooms. and there is no way you can _not_ develop a bond with people you share a room with for any significant amount of time, whether you like it or not.. And because they are people with a bond with the protagonist, they would come into the story eventually. As their coming up was inevitable, I figured I would give them _some _substance. And there is no way I would be stooping to the level of having Cloud, Kunsel, Luxiere, and Zack all be bunk buddies. It is just too contrived. Also, There is a theme in my OC's names. Bonus points if you figure it out.

Also, don't worry. Theo isn't going to be completely irredeemable. He lets his temper and vices get to him, but he's not going to be 'that guy who has no good qualities whom everyone wants to punch.'

CLOUD'S EQUIPMENT: with a few exceptions, most of Cloud's Materia, and his weapon, are found either in the Nibelheim region, or on the way from Nibelheim to Costa Del Sol. The exceptions are his Steal, Enemy Skill, and Barrier Materia, the last of which was not explicitly mentioned in this chapter.

COCKING THE LEVER: According to in-game models, Sniper CR is a lever-action rifle, which means the gun is 'cocked' by operating the trigger guard 'lever'. It was invented around 1848, and was the first 'repeating' mechanism.

WHY CLOUD SHOT THE GUY: He pulled a knife during a tense situation. Cloud panicked because he thought one of his friends were going to get stabbed.

ADJUSTING FOR WIND AND FALL: Basically, just because bullets go really fast doesn't mean gravity stops working. Adjusting for fall is basically saying 'okay, how far away is my target, and how much is my bullet going to drop in the meantime?' Same with wind. 'how hard and in what direction is the wind blowing, so where am I going to aim to make sure the bullet goes where I want it to?'

Basically, in real life, being a sniper is less like 'line up crosshairs, pull trigger' and more of 'doing a hell of alot of complex math in your head, point your gun in a different direction than your target, and hitting it anyway.'

Granted, at relatively short range, in the enclosed space that is a Midgar slum meant he had to adjust his aim very little, but the point remains.

PTERION JOINT: Point Just behind the temple, where the parietal, temporal, sphenoid, and frontal bones of the skull connect. Is the weakest point of the skull, and an artery runs directly beneath it. In other words, Cloud scored the mother lode of headshots.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Peacemaker**_

_**Chapter 2**_

Cissnei's eye twitched as she glared at the large stack of papers in front of her. Why was there so much paperwork for an off-the-books operation like the Turks?

Thankfully, a distraction came in the form of Reno entering the room, and sauntering over to the office coffee machine.

"Mornin', Cissnei."

"Good morning."

"Man, sometimes I hate this job. We get stuck doing the stupidest shit."

"Oh? What's the matter?"

"I gotta interrogate this wannabe SOLDIER. It's an open and shut case, and SOLDIER has their own guys for stuff like this, but the boss wants me there anyway. And why's it gotta be me, anyway? Lowlifes I can do all day, but boot-polishers like that guy just plain rub me the wrong way, yo."

A plan began to form in Cissnei's mind.

"Why don't I take over for you? Boss won't mind, as long as it gets done."

"Really? You'd do that for me?"

"Sure, but I have my own important mission I need to do, so if you could cover me…"

"Say no more. I got'cher back."

"Great. Just make sure that the papers on my desk get into Tseng's inbox by tomorrow." Cissnei said, as she sprinted out the door.

"Wha-? YOU TRICKED ME, YOU LITTLE BI-" Reno's yell was cut off by the soundproof door closing.

Just outside of the interrogation room, Cissnei met up with Tseng.

"I'm filling in for Reno." She answers preemptively.

Tseng lifts an eyebrow, but nods.

"Tell me, what do you think?" he says, gesturing to the blond on the other side of the one-way mirror.

"Eight out of ten. Now, what am I supposed to be looking for?"

Tseng slightly rolled his eyes.

"I think he might be a good candidate for the Turks."

"What makes you say that? Seems like every other SOLDIER… though it doesn't look like he has his Mako yet."  
Tseng passed her a manila folder.

"Mr. Strife here has exhibited extreme competence in the past. We have confirmed that he made the trip from his hometown of Nibelheim to Midgar solo, on foot. As you well know, the monsters on that route are nothing to trifle with. He also is extremely skilled at finding things. He managed to track down a Summon Materia that we had thought lost when the Gongaga reactor blew up, without actively looking for it. He took to survival exercises like a duck to water. And, as we just learned an hour ago, he is an incredible marksman."

"What happened?"

"There was an altercation between his squad and some civilians. Mr. Strife arrived late to the encounter, and took up a firing position 'just in case things got ugly,' as he put it. He swears he saw one of the civilians pull a knife, and so he fired. Perfect shot, straight to the Pterion joint. He claims he was aiming a warning shot, but adjusted it when he saw the man pull the knife. If that is true, he had less than a second to aim."

"So, obviously his story doesn't hold up. He must have had longer to line up the shot. And you implied no one else saw him pull the knife."

"Yes, and no. While he was the only one who saw the knife actually being unsheathed, the victim dropped it when he died. Cameras observing the area saw his gun barrel noticeably shift just before taking the shot. Coupled with the fact he was noticeably shaken by the experience, it most definitely was done in the heat of the moment, either way. And even if he _was _ in the wrong… well, the Turks aren't exactly known for having clean hands."

"So, you sound like you've made your decision. What do you need _me_ for?"

"Before I make my final verdict, I need to know… things that aren't in a file. His thought processes and personality. And even if I _was_ completely sold on having him in our ranks, _he_ would still need to be convinced. A friendly face would help with that."

"Okay, simple enough."

With that, Cissnei entered the interrogation room, flashing her best smile.

"Hi there. I'm Cissnei. pleased to meet you, though I wish it was under better circumstances." She said, offering her hand for a handshake. Just as she expected, it threw him off. Most people expected an officer who would get in their faces when being interrogated. He was quick to recover, though, as he shook her hand.

"Cloud Strife, Ma'am."

"Please, call me Cissnei, Cloud. Now, I heard about what happened. Are you okay?" She asked. People tended to be more talkative when they think you care.

"Physically? Untouched. Mentally… well, I just shot a guy. I know I shouldn't care, the guy _did_ pull a knife on my squadmate, but… I kinda feel…sick."

Cissnei held his hand. Physical contact tended to generate feelings of familiarity.

"That's good, Cloud. I'd be worried if you didn't. Although… that shot you made, that was pretty impressive. Where did you learn to shoot? And don't say Shinra, I know troopers that can't hit the broad side of a barn."

"I taught myself. I used to help support my Mom by hunting monsters in the mountains. Mainly wolves, for their pelts."

Cissnei nodded.

"Do you feel the incident could have been avoided?"

Cloud's eyes practically _ignited_ with fury. Cissnei was sure that if this was combat, she'd be seeing a Limit Break going off right now.

"Hell. Yes. If Theo had just kept his mouth shut, this could have been avoided. If Theo hadn't decided to go binge drinking on 7 a.m. on a _Wednesday_, this could have been avoided. If that civilian had done _anything_ but pull a weapon, this could have been avoided. If I hadn't freaked out and simply fired a warning shot, _like I said I was going to_, this could have been avoided. But, the die is cast, and I just need to see what it lands on."

Cissnei once again held hands with Cloud, but this time it was not a calculated decision.

"I think I can help with that, Cloud. You see, although you were acting to defend others, we can't be seen promoting you immediately after shooting a civilian, even though your promotion to SOLDIER has nothing to do with the incident. However, that will mean that you will be stuck in a bureaucratic limbo while the heat dies down, and that means you won't really have a job here...unless we temporarily transfer you to a different department. Thankfully, there are openings in the Department of Administrative Research, where I work."

"Sounds… clerical. But if you're working there, it can't be too bad." After a second, Cloud looked like he mentally slapped himself.

Cissnei chuckled. "Oh, trust me, we'll make sure you don't get bored. My boss will be back later with the paperwork to make things official. See you later." Cissnei shot him a wink as she left the room.

"So, how was that, Tseng?"

"...I think that you may have established _too much_ of a rapport."

Cissnei shrugged. "I can always let him down afterwards, if it comes to that."

Tseng raised an eyebrow. "If?"

"Hey, he _is_ kinda cute. Anyway, see you later, boss."

"Damn teenagers." Tseng muttered under his breath.

When Cissnei returned to the Turk office, she was surprised to see Rude sitting at her desk, meticulously filling out the papers. Just as surprising, there was only about a tenth of it left.

"Did Reno…" Cissnei began.

"Yes." Rude answered her question before she asked it.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not. I'm getting a pair of shades out of this."

"Um, aren't you getting ripped off? Sunglasses cost like, twenty gil."

"Nope. I'm talkin' top shelf stuff. Closer to Two thousand. Of course, Reno says he knows a guy who can get them for less, but it's the thought that counts."

"...And a few thousand gil is less important to Reno than a couple of hours of paperwork."

"Hey, everyone's got different priorities. Speaking of, where did you take off to?"

"Oh, big news. Odds are, we're getting a new recruit. He's kinda… Anti-Reno. Where Reno has street smarts, this guy has… bumpkin smarts. If you ever get stuck in the middle of nowhere, he's your guy."

"How's he in a fight?"

"Don't know for sure, but he managed to impress Tseng with his marksmanship, and he managed to get into SOLDIER, though he hasn't gotten his Mako yet."

"Damn. Well, if nothing else, you'll always have someone to push your paperwork onto. I can't do it for myself, Reno, _and_ you every time."

"Wait, you do Reno's paperwork for him _every day_? What, does he get you a pair of designer glasses _daily_?"

"...I like to have spares."

* * *

AN: While this is going to be a Turk-centric fic, I have no knowledge of Before Crisis or other such additions to the FF7 story, besides Crisis Core. As such, I am pretty sure there is going to be some differences.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Peacemaker**_

_Chapter 3_

Cloud absentmindedly fussed with his tie. He thought he was going to have to learn to tie one but apparently it was Department of Administrative Research policy to only use clip-on ties. Strange.

"Cloud, was it?" A rather imposing man, wearing shades and stud earrings asked.

"Yes."

Said man extended his hand.

"Name's Rude. We're starting you off easy today. You got anything against paperwork?"

"... Nothing personal. Why?"

"Good. Reno and Cissnei always try to foist it off on me, and it'll really help me out if you could take some of it off my hands."

"Sure thing. But why are they here, if they hate paperwork so much?"

"For one thing, our job ain't just pushing pencils. For another… you don't sign up for our department. We decide if we want you or not. If we do… we get you. Like you. You _were_ going into SOLDIER. We decided we wanted you. And here you are. Now, I took care of our backlog yesterday, and today just started, so there's really only my expense report to fill out. I'll walk you through it. Be glad that unlike _some_ people, I actually keep my receipts."

Cloud took one of the receipts, and saw three items on it.

1 12-oz. canister of 3-Methylfentanyl.

1 Crowbar

1 Bolt Cutter

That first item caused Cloud to have a similar sensation to deja-vu, before he realized what it was.

"What the hell did you do, 'Research' some guy's 'Administration' by knocking him out and stealing his briefcase?"

"Actually, yeah. How'd you know?"

"Knockout gas grenade, bolt cutters for any padlocks on the case, and a crowbar to help force it open if there were other locking mechanisms. Next time, don't go wholesale. buy it at different shops. Actually, why am I giving you _advice_ for mugging people? That's something I should be _discouraging_."

"Like I said, we don't just push pencils here. And normally, I _would_ buy that stuff separate, but that particular store is run by Shinra specifically _for_ cloak and dagger stuff. They don't ask questions, and no one asks _them_ questions. Although I _do_ find it curious you recognise the composition of knockout gas on sight."

"...I have something of an eidetic memory."

"Hm. That could be useful in our line of work. Anyway, Let's get cracking. I want this done by eleven o'clock."

"I don't think it'll take me that long, but why eleven?"

"We're meeting the others at Goblin's Bar for lunch at noon, and it'll take time to get there. You're buying."

"...Can I ask why I'm being so generous?"

"Tradition. Other Departments greet their new guys with pranks and snipe hunts. We cut the bullshit and make you buy us lunch the first day. Besides, it's a great way to break the ice."

"Sounds reasonable, then. However, there's going to be a problem. I'm a little low on liquid assets at the moment."

Rude took a folded envelope out of his lapel pocket, and handed it to Cloud.

"What's this?"

"Your signing bonus."

Cloud opened the envelope, and looked at the check inside.

"Okay, this will be enough. Although, there's a typo on here."

"And that is?"

"There are two sets of decimal points."

"One of those is a comma."

Cloud looked at the check in shock.

"Okay, screw buying you lunch. I could probably buy the entire damn bar for you guys."

"The Boss beat you to it. That's why we like going there. We get employee discounts."

"There are worse reasons to haunt a place, I guess."

"Exactly."

"Say, why am I being paid so much? I was just transferred this morning."

"Well, us Turks know where _a lot_ of skeletons are buried in the Company. It makes sense to make us happy. Less chance of us digging up those skeletons."

"So, it's hush money."

"Pretty much. Oh, and before you ask, Turks are those who work in the Department of Administrative Research. It's less of a mouthful."

"I see."

Sure enough, under Rude's tutelage, filing the expense report was done quickly, and they were walking into Goblin's Bar with time to spare. There, Cloud saw two familiar faces.

"Sig! Alexei! Fancy bumping into you two! What's up?"

"Just grabbing lunch. What's with the suit?" Alexei answered.

"I got drafted by the Department of Administrative Research. They're giving me a paycheck until the heat dies down from the incident this morning. How's Theo? He sobered up yet?"

"Yes. He withdrew from SOLDIER."

"Why? He worked really hard to get where he was."

"Why do you think? Not only was he a sliver away from a BCD, well… he felt guilty. He didn't feel right wearing the uniform when you couldn't, given that he started the confrontation. So, he left."

"I… see."

"Speaking of which, I must thank you for your intervention, Cloud." Sig spoke up.

"Don't mention it."

"I'm afraid I must. I am a Koch, and I repay my debts." Sig said, handing over a box that he withdrew from the backpack resting by his feet.

Cloud opened it, and it turned out to be a revolver.

"That is a Shin-Ra Peacemaker, a standard issue sidearm for officers back in the day. It was my Grandfather's, and later my Father's."

"Sig, I can't accept this. This is an heirloom of yours…"

"I am a member of SOLDIER, a unit that specializes in close quarters. I have no need of a sidearm, and I do not want to lose it on a mission. As such, it has two possible fates. One, it sits, collecting dust in an attic. A sad fate for such a stalwart companion. Two, I give it to you, and it serves you as it did my Grandfather and Father. I, its rightful owner, choose the latter."

"...Thanks, Sig."

"You're welcome."

After spending several minutes chatting with his former squad, Cloud eventually made his way to the Turk's reserved table, where Rude was waiting for him, and waited for the others to arrive.

* * *

BCD: Bad Conduct Discharge. Sometimes confused for a Dishonorable Discharge. (BCDs are for misdemeanors, DDs are for felonies.)

3-Methylfentanyl: An extremely potent sedative, it is the closest thing we actually have to knockout gas, used during the Moscow Theatre Hostage crisis of 2002. I'm pretty sure it hasn't been used since, since it has a 15% fatality rate when used in such situations. (For reference, gas attacks during World War 1 had a 7% fatality rate.)


	4. Chapter 4

_**Peacemaker**_

It was not long before the others arrived. 'The others' being a man with black hair tied in a ponytail, accompanied by two people that Cloud knew, much to his surprise. He recognized Cissnei from the interrogation earlier, and... Reno.

"I always wondered which department you worked for, Reno." Cloud greeted.

"Cloud? I'll be damned. You always struck me as the 'keep your head down and your nose clean' type."

"Yeah, well, stuff happened, now I'm here."

"You two know each other?" Cissnei asked.

Cloud nodded.

"He had a habit of hanging around my squadmate, Theodore. Apparently, they go back a ways. And you," Cloud added, gesturing to the man with black hair, "must be the enigmatic 'Boss'."

'Boss' nodded.

" My name is Tseng. Just Tseng, no Mister, Director, or whatever title you may expect for a person in charge, though some of your peers like to call me 'Boss' behind my back. We do not use family names in the Turks, for security reasons. As you can see, I am of Wutaian descent, and before you ask, that does not compromise my allegiance in any way."

"Cloud, and I'm guessing saying more would be redundant, as you probably have files on me so detailed that you know how often I use the restroom." Cloud introduced himself.

"That's a bit of an exaggeration. However, you are correct in that we have vetted you thoroughly."

"Alright. So, Rude said I would be briefed on what you expect me to do in the Turks."

"I will be blunt. Officially, we make sure no one in the company takes more than their fair share, and to be honest, we do that quite often. Unofficially, the Turks handle Shinra's dirty laundry. The things Shinra… can't be seen doing. Don't worry, we won't be starting you off with the more shady aspects of the job."

"So, what will you be starting me off with, Tseng?"

"Our job, whether we are acting in a legitimate fashion or not, often relies heavily on infiltration. Don't worry, if it turns out you have no talent for it, there are always assignments that don't need it so much, like joint missions with SOLDIER. Which leads us to your first… evaluation. We have an… understanding with SOLDIER. You are to infiltrate the office of one of their officers and lay a… non-violent trap for them."

"...You want me to prank SOLDIERs?"

"It's a...ritual we have. When they get new recruits, they try and do the same to us. In fact, I will probably be seeing your former squadmates soon."

"I...see. Time limit?"

"The sooner the better, but let's say… a week."

"Sounds good."

"Very well. After lunch, Cissnei will escort you back to the office, as it will take some time for your new ID and access card to be made. After your assessments are complete, you will be assigned to be Cissnei's partner."

* * *

A few hours later saw Cloud at his desk, staring at a blank computer screen. The reason for this was...well, he never pranked a person in his life, much less a person in a heavily monitored facility. On a whim, he retrieved a USB stick from his pocket, and plugged it in.

**KINZOKU DOKURO ONLINE **appeared on the screen.

'**What is it, Cloud?' **was quick to follow.

Cloud typed '_What do you know about pranking?'_

'**Files on 'pranking' found in the All-Father Archive. Displaying results.'**

Cloud raised an eyebrow as the documents appeared on-screen. Only the most essential of information was stored there. Why would a text on practical jokes be in there?

But, sure enough, there was a how-to guide on pranking in there.

'_The first thing about pranking is to not get caught. This relies less on people not knowing you are there, and more on people realizing that you're there, but do not realize that you're not supposed to be.'_Cloud read.

This gave him an idea.

'_Thanks, Kinzoku.' _He typed.

'**Give 'em hell, kid.'** Was the reply.

* * *

Cloud was glad that he hadn't gotten around to turning in his Cadet uniform. And that he could find his helmet. As it was, when he entered the SOLDIER floor while carrying a stack of papers(blank, pilfered from his printer in the Turk office), he didn't earn a second glance.

He entered a random office, and set down the papers nearby the printer. He saw that whoever owned the office, they kept a spare pair of boots on hand. Perfect. From his uniform pocket he withdrew two dog toys and a knife. He carved out the squeaking mechanism from each toy, and then used the knife to pry open the part where the insole met the outsole. he stuck the 'squeaker' into this opening, and repeated the process with the other boot. Now, all he needed was to get rid of the cannibalized dog toys.

Another part of the how-to guide to pranking came to mind.

'Always have an escape route or a patsy.'

And he _did_ notice that one _other _office was unattended…

* * *

"ANGEAL!"

First Class Soldier Angeal Hewley was used to his apprentice yelling after him. However, never did it sound so..._furious_.

"What is it, Zack?" He sighed.

"Seriously, these 'puppy' jokes need to stop. It's getting to the point it's _seriously_ not funny."

"That was a comparison I made in a letter to my _mom_. I have no idea how that got out, _or_ how it stuck."

"...So you _didn't_ stick dog toys in my desk drawer?"

"...Does that _honestly_ sound like something I'd do?"

"Well, no…"

"It was probably the Turks. They prank SOLDIERS whenever they get a new recruit, which they did."

"...But why did they remove the squeakers?"

"Who knows?"

Their answer came in the form of a rhythmic series of squeaks, almost as if they were footsteps.

It became progressively louder, as the source came closer. Until a mass of silver and black rounded the corner, revealing a _very_ annoyed General.

Zack turned to Angeal in horror.

"They _didn't..._"

"Apparently, they _did._" Angeal replied, just as amazed.

"I take it… you have a _theory_… as to whom caused me this..._annoyance?_" Sephiroth hissed.

"Turks did it!" Zack blurted.

* * *

Tseng was in the middle of transferring the sloppily hidden 'snake in a can' that was put in his desk by the new half-squad of SOLDIERs to Reno's mini-fridge, when the phone on his desk rang.

After the transfer was complete, he answered the phone.

"Tseng."

There was quite a bit of chatter on the other end, when Reno walked in.

Seeing his boss was busy, he went to his mini-fridge, and grabbed a can while he waited.

"I see. I will have a word with him." Tseng replied, and then hung up.

"Reno, could you fetch Cloud for me?"

"Sure thing, Boss." Reno replied, as he opened the can, only for an artificial snake to be launched at his face, causing him to cry out in surprise.

A blink-and-you'll-miss-it smirk was Tseng's only response.

"...Right… I'll go get Cloud…" Reno said in a daze as he walked out the door.

A few moments later, Cloud reported in.

"Good work on completing your mission, Cloud. However, I have one...criticism. Could you _please_ not target General Sephiroth from now on?"

Cloud blinked.

"...I did what now?"


	5. Chapter 5

When Cloud came in for work the next day, he was confused to see a name plaque with 'Peacemaker' engraved into it at his desk.

He turned to Cissnei, who had a similar one, except it had 'Shuriken" on it.

"Why is my name now Peacemaker?"

"Because Gun, Two Guns, Revolver, and Rifle were all taken."

"...Let me rephrase that. why is my name not Cloud?"

"It's customary for Turks to get codenames based on their weapon of choice."

"So there are more Turks than just us?"

"Not anymore. They're either MIA or KIA."

"...Lovely."

"Hey, it's not like we're not paid well to compensate. And you shouldn't be complaining about a high mortality rate, Mr. SOLDIER."

"Fair enough."

"And just so you know, Reno uses a rod, and Rude is a martial artist."

"What is Tseng's alias?"

"Boss."

"...Isn't telling everyone he's our boss- and therefore a high-value target, and telling people what each of us specialises in, kind of counter-intuitive?"

"It's a tradition from when radio and databases were either in it's infancy, or non-existent. As such, it did its job of keeping our identities safe while making it simple for our bosses to keep us straight, so they didn't do something dumb like sending our sniper into close quarters because they forgot what his specialization was. As for the high-value target thing... there's a reason Tseng wants us to call him 'Just Tseng.' "

"There are worse reasons, I suppose."

Reno and Rude chose that moment to enter the Turk office.

"Hi Rod. Hi... Mr. Punchy."

Cissnei snorted in laughter.

"...Mr Punchy?" Rude questioned.

"Well, I figured Fist was taken a million times over."

"Unlike the other codenames, which aren't reused out of respect for the fallen, Fist is a...legacy title." Rude explained.

"I see."

Tseng joined them.

"Rude, I have a mission for you. And I want you to take Cloud as your partner, so you can show him just how the Turks operate. Your objective is a doctor in Sector 1, Upper Plate. We believe he is smuggling pharmaceuticals to Wutaian insurgents. I want him alive, so we can discover who his contacts are."

"Sure thing, Boss. Sounds like an easy enough."

* * *

"Rude, do you mind telling me how your target ended up dead and how the rookie ended up in the hospital?"

"Well, what have you heard so far?"

_Cloud, bare from the chest up save a bandolier and a bandanna tied around his forehead, let out a resounding, unrelenting war cry as he fired an M60 machine gun one-handed into the onrushing hordes of Wutai troopers, his other arm hanging uselessly at his side, presumably due to the gunshot wound oozing several liters of blood. Meanwhile, in the background Rude, also shirtless, pointed a wicked curved short sword at the hapless Doctor._

"_You can't arrest me! This is madness!" The Doctor exclaimed._

"_Madness? THIS IS SHINRA!" Rude cried, kicking the man into a conveniently placed bottomless pit, cape billowing epically behind him._

"...Wow. Maybe you should wait until Cloud's _off_ of the painkillers before asking him for his report."

"...The thought had occurred to me, yes. Which is why I am asking _you_."

"Well, I went in on the ground, while the rookie provided sniper support. I was using the new earbuds that were recently developed, and apparently they have problems with shorting out. Fortunately, the rookie managed to find a workaround using the hospital PA system. On a related note, apparently I have a new alias- Rudolph Fist. Not very original, I know, but it worked well enough. The rookie spotted the target on the fourth floor, and once he made sure I was in pursuit, used gunfire to herd him towards me. Unfortunately, I was vaulting over a gurney at a full sprint when the target rounded the corner, meaning he caught my full momentum with his face, sending him out the window. He did not survive impact. The reason Cloud didn't warn me about this was because the target apparently had Wutai protection, which traced the shots back to Cloud, and attacked him. He took a bullet to the left tricep, thankfully only hitting meat, when he managed to get a barrier up, draw his sidearm, and take down his assailants. This op would have gone a lot better if I had a working comm or Cloud had a spotter, or at the very least knew about the Wutai bodyguards."

"So, you have no problem with Cloud's performance?"

"By no means. Taking out three Wutai ninja who had the drop on you is nothing to scoff at."

"I see. It appears our only lead is dead."

"Not exactly. Cloud shot to wound. We have one of the ninjas in interrogation. The other two bled out."

"Excellent. I will have to thank Mr. Strife for his forethought."

"Thank me for what?" Cloud asked, entering the room.

"Please knock in the future, Cloud. And I wanted to thank you for taking one of your attackers alive."

"No problem, Boss."

"...Are you even cleared to leave the hospital, Cloud?" Tseng asked.

"Well, you see, I kind of figured you wanted my report ASAP, and the doctor was talking about injecting me with Behemoth testosterone just to see what would happen. I snuck out while he was laughing maniacally."

"I...honestly can't say I blame you. How are you feeling?" Tseng conceded.

"Other than pain from a gunshot wound? I have a sore jaw, though I have no idea why."

"Cissnei punched you." Reno helpfully supplied, sticking his head through the door.

"...Why?" Cloud asked.

Reno shrugged, and went back to his desk.

Cloud left Tseng's office, and looked at Cissnei expectantly.

"You prepositioned me. And rather tactlessly, too." she elaborated.

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. It was the opiates talking. I'm sure that if you were sober, you would have been much more charming."

Cloud stammered and blushed, before retreating to his desk and pointedly avoided looking in Cissnei's direction as he did his paperwork.

She smirked.

"He is so fun to tease." she muttered to herself.


	6. Chapter 6

"Cloud, due to your recent injury, I'm afraid that you will only be given low-risk assignments until you are fully recovered." Tseng explained.

"Makes sense."

"So, in the meantime, you are to perform reconnaissance. The target is one Miss Aerith Gainsborough." Tseng explained, as he handed over a picture.

"Pretty cute. What she do to piss Shinra off?"

"Classified. You are _not_ to apprehend, injure or kill her. In fact, you are to provide protection should it be necessary."

"She isn't a criminal or Wutaian sympathizer, is she? Judging from the nature of the orders, she's under our protection. Is she the lover of a higher-up?"

"No, she is not. And I just said it was classified. I would not ask any further questions on the matter if I were you, nor would I speak with _anyone_ outside of the Turks about this." Tseng said, with a little heat.

Cloud gave an assessing glance.

"This wasn't ordered by the higher-ups, was it? Nor do you want them finding out about this… you're protecting her _from_ them."

"...What gave you that impression." Tseng asked, stonily.

"Simple. I have never seen you get worked up over a mission. That means that this is personal for you. Second, the way you emphasised _anyone_. Not anyone without clearance, you said _anyone_."

"...You are too perceptive for your own good, Strife."

"Relax, I'm not going to sell you out. In fact, I'd say this… makes me trust you _more_. After all, you can tell a lot about a man by where he draws the line. And this shows me you won't throw people important to you under the bus just because you were ordered to. That...humanizes you in my eyes. And as such, I'll make _damn_ sure no one touches your girlfriend."

"...She's not my girlfriend."

"...I thought she seemed a bit young for you."

"I prefer my women...legal."

"...Illegitimate daughter?"

"...I'm less than a decade older than her, Cloud."

"Yeah, that one was a bit of a stretch… Political prisoner whom you developed reverse-Stockholm syndrome for, helped escape covertly, and have been covering for ever since?"

"...That's pretty close, actually. You are _way_ too good at this."

"That's what you pay me for."

No, what I pay you for is to do that to people who _aren't _me. And Cloud? If you screw me on this, the last thing I will ever do as leader of the Turks is to make sure _no_ _one _EVER finds your body. That is _not_ hyperbole."

"Understood. Well, Miss Gainsborough isn't going to ogle herself, so I'd best be going."

"...Don't make me shoot you, Cloud. I'm tempted enough as it is."

"I was kidding, Boss."

"You better be."

As soon as Cloud left, Tseng reached into his desk and pulled out an unopened bottle of whiskey. brushing some of the dust off, he opened it and took a swig.

"Hey boss, how is Clou...Is that the bottle Reno got you as a gag gift a couple of years ago?" Cissnei asked, as she walked in.

"Yes."

"...You're drinking...while on the clock."

"People being observant is starting to be a trend today."

"What happened? Is everything okay?"

"...Cloud cracked the Gainsborough mission."

"The one that even _Rude_ doesn't know why we do it?"

"The same."

"How did he do that?"

"By cold-reading me."

"...Cold-reading _you_."

"I'm as amazed as you are."

"I swear, that boy is part _machine._ He got shot _yesterday_, and was back in the office within the hour, and now _this_. Before today, I was convinced a _polygraph_ couldn't cold-read you."

"...They _can't_."

"...So, what, you're drinking to help dull the shame by being outwitted by the rookie?"

"No. I'm trying to decide whether or not to let him live with that knowledge."

Cissnei instantly sobered.

"How about...instead of doing something...irrevocable, I watch him for you, and if he looks like he's trying to sell us out...then we...prevent that."

"...That is...acceptable."

* * *

On his way to the Slums, Cloud pulled out his PHS, and stuck a familiar drive into it.

"Kinzoku, I need some help with target observation." He spoke into the PHS.

"_There is a section on that in the All-Father Archive. Would you like me to read it to you?"_ A tinny voice responded.

"That would be excellent."

"_Step one: Ensure you do not startle or threaten the target. Step two: Ensure you know the area. Step three: If the target knows they are being watched, either engage or disengage immediately. If you continue to try to be inconspicuous, you will open yourself to being lured into a trap or being shaken off, losing them as a potential asset."_

"Thank you."

"_It was no trouble, Cloud."_

The second Cloud laid eyes on Aerith, he knew one, undeniable fact.

He was made.

She obviously recognized the suit, and made it a point of walking briskly in the opposite direction of him.

Step three: Engage or disengage immediately if the...watchee knows you're there, and watching them.

He couldn't go back to Tseng with immediate failure, especially not after he pushed his boundaries to the breaking point.

He was also under orders to not touch her.

...Engage it was.

He jogged after her, quickly catching up, and he managed to corral her into a corner.

Realizing she was trapped, she raised her walking stick in defense, pure terror in her eyes.

Cloud smiled, and extended his hand for a shake.

"Hi, my name's Cloud. Tseng assigned me to be your bodyguard today. You know him, underneath that icy exterior lies the biggest worrywart you've ever met. Say, I'm new to the area, so would you mind showing me around a bit?"

Aerith lowered her guard, bemused.

"Turks normally aren't so...blatant." she accused.

Cloud shrugged.

"Well, you knew I was here anyway. And so, I could watch you from the nonexistent bushes like a sex offender, or I could walk over and say hi. I assumed you would be more comfortable with the latter, and as I'm going to be assigned to you for the foreseeable future, I'd rather we got along, rather than you being worried I'm going to break into your house and steal your underwear or something."

"You have a point. Say, what happened to your arm?"

"Wutaian insurgent. I'm technically not supposed to be out of the hospital, but Shinra doctors creep me out."

Aerith shuddered. "You have _no_ idea."

Aerith's fears allayed, at least for the moment, she began to show him around the Sector, until they reached the gate to Sector Six.

"This is Sector Six. It's a really scary place...especially if you're a girl."

"You got that right, sweetheart." a voice rang out, and a large man, around seven feet and over three hundred pounds of muscle stepped out from hiding, along with a posse of a half a dozen men.

"You look like a guy with some cash. Hand it over...along with the girl." The man continued.

"And why would I do that, because you're bigger than me?" Cloud asked nonchalantly, a red gem in his armlet glowing subtly.

"As a matter of fact, yeah, pretty boy."

"Well, I hate to break it to you but… my friend's bigger." Cloud said, gesturing behind them.

The head thug looked behind him… and was eye-level with a red ankle. He looked up...into the snarling face of Titan.

The thugs screamed.

Cissnei was getting worried. The flower girl, and Cloud by proxy, were nowhere to be found. Not at Aerith's house, not at the church… and then she saw Titan in the distance, looming over the hovels of the slums.

Cissnei facepalmed.


End file.
